one size fits all

The “One Size Fits All” Self-Worth Fix Myth

To some degree everyone has some sort of self-worth issue, especially if you have been born and raised in Western Culture with every piece of possible advertising screaming at you that you are not good enough as you are. Many people have had parents that bought the one size fits all lie and then raised their children to immediately buy into the lie as well.


YOU.ARE.NOT.GOOD.ENOUGH, and don’t be grateful for what you have because there is always something better!


Of course, no loving parent would ever say that you are not good enough. However, the institutions that we are encouraged to be a part of, and sometimes forced to be a part of, say it for them.


Religious, educational, and professional institutions that have standards that only a select few can actually achieve naturally. The message is clear and nearly every person you see walking in the street every day has an invisible burden they carry from childhood whether they are aware of it or not.


The whole concept of not being good enough as we are and not grateful for what we have, all on our own impacts the adult life in sometimes devastating ways.  The message that was assimilated into our subconscious as children can play a huge role later on in how we go about “adulting.” It will not affect everyone the same way. There are psychological and genetic traits that play a part that not even science has fully understood because the research out there is still too generic and generalized.


We live in a one size fits all kind of world.


The old ways that nurtured the individual are quickly disappearing. Medicine has also gone one size fits all with generic medication that cannot take in all the genetic factors that the individual has. The Harvard University Center for Ethics has even written that, “New prescription drugs have a 1 in 5 chance of causing serious reaction after they have been approved.” Yikes!


Diets, ways to succeed and prosper, ideas of beauty, business models and ventures, how to dress, speak, present yourself and so forth. Nearly everything is a one-size-fits all scheme that requires the individual to conform in ways that they may not be able to because of all the unique things that make up who they are!


Our self-worth has been damaged, many of us from childhood, and we are running around dazed and confused trying to be someone else in order for others to tell us our value and what we are worth. When instead, what is needed, is to step back, realize who we are and embrace our individuality. Not an easy or overnight process, rather a journey to embrace for the rest of our lives. Life is all about change.


I know this all too well. I have been on this journey for a very long time.


I was born to a single mother whose bi-polar issues became increasingly worse as time went on. While some are given “subtle” messages, I was literally told, “why can’t you be more like so and so?” And, “why do you have to do things the way you do them?” And, “why do you have to think the way you think?” Those are not easy questions to give answers to as you are growing up and attempting to find your own value.


On the outside, I was a calm, cool and collected person most of the time. But, inside, there was a chaos of confusion. If my own mother didn’t like me for who I was, who could? The religion I grew up in also hammered in to me that I was not good enough as I was, that I was born horrible, filthy, and didn’t deserve to live without their God. Shame, guilt and worthlessness were huge influencers in my childhood.


What can be done? Well, most people who have been conditioned by society will say the same thing, “seek professional help!” But, again, that is not a one size fits all. Why? Because I tried to get help and they all said, “wow, you are such a strong person, you know what you need to do, just do it!” And, that was the end of getting professional help for me. That does not mean I don’t have really, really down times, but I keep on my journey even through the stormy days. Professional help may be exactly what someone else needs, even though it was not meant for me. Is it right for you? You don’t know unless you try.


My journey has included the above mentioned professional help in the way of various Psychiatrists and Therapists. Change has been my theme. I have left the religion I grew up in and embraced my own concoction of spirituality. Reading, studying and learning everything I can about what actually makes me who I am. I have delved into my heritage learning about the people that lead up to me and trying to understand the cultural differences that all came together to become my family. Once I think I am about “there,” I then find new pieces to the puzzle of “me.” This is more than most will ever do, but it is something I am passionate about and I have enjoyed it!


Something every person can do on their own is get to know themselves. Cut through the crap that you have been conditioned to believe about yourself and get into some personality tests.


Understand why you tick the way you tick and why you tock the way you tock. I highly recommend the Meyers-Briggs Personality Test, having your Human Design Chart done and explained by a professional as well as taking the How To Fascinate Personality Test and having your Zodiac Natal Chart done and read by a professional. I know, I know, a bit “woo” for some people, but you just might be surprised! Know thyself, Honey, know thyself. Learn all the beautiful and unique things that make up you and embrace you!!!


So…who am I? I am an INFJ, Sun Sign Aquarius, Human Design Projector and according to the Fascinate Personality Test, I am The Secret Weapon!


So…who are you? Share in the comments below the unique things you learn about yourself from taking the various tests above! Let’s celebrate our uniqueness and start building our Self Worth together!

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  • Cindy Freeman December 30, 2016   Reply →

    Awesome, awesome article! Thank you so much for sharing…it was a help and encouragement to me.

  • Rita December 30, 2016   Reply →

    Very well said, Tiffany!

  • Cordelia Gaffar January 6, 2017   Reply →

    I have decided that I am enough, after years of measuring against all other standards. That is what try to model for my children.

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